What I love most about documenting my thoughts is seeing my growth over time. Tonight I stumbled upon one of my old journal entries from March and it is astounding how much I have grown. I believe that I now embody most of the qualities I was so desperately searching for. Here are my thoughts in March....
"I need to act, speak, and embody the person I want to be. Many times I know the person I want to be, and recognize some qualities in myself I want to embody, but I am having trouble putting forth the effort to make that happen.
The issue is that I do not center my life around the energy I hope to radiate. I gossip, work myself up over nothing, take things too personally, judge, and obsess. I need to come back to my center and work on, really work on, being a person I am proud of. I have so much potential and control over my life, I hope I do something productive with it. I know I will, it may just take time. I know I will challenge myself to be the person I want to be. I am going to stop talking about things that are meaningless and add no value to the world. I will only take actions of compassion, kindness, and love. No more pretending.
Lately, I have been really struggling with not having a partner. I will not say boyfriend, because I do not necessarily want a relationship, but I want that true connection. Maybe it doesn't exist for everyone, but I am hoping it does for me. I want someone in my life who values me for myself. Isn't that what we all crave? I thought I found that man, but I was just projecting, as i seem to do a lot. Every time I personally grow I feel like I get challenged in the boy department. Maybe they are little tests. Tests to see if I am really comfortable with myself and my abilities. I know I do not need a man in my life, but I feel that having someone who understands my soul, and has the same values as me, is so important to my growth. But maybe it just isn't the time, and I have to accept that.
Maybe, it is because I am not being, or I am not projecting, the person I am and want to be to the universe. I am being someone I am not, I am acting in ways to conform; to relate to others who are on different wavelengths or levels to me. I am losing myself in order to feel accepted. I am losing myself to bring others into my life that don't make me a better person. That is insane. I shouldn't have to do that. I should be the light I am so desperately searching for. When I am finally myself, those who are attracted to my light will finally enter; the right people. Than I will know they are people who want to be with me, for me.
Recently, I have been constantly questioning if my friends really know who I am, and if they actually care about me. This should never be the case. If I was really sure I wouldn't question it. I might lose a lot or "friends" along the way, but that is okay. I will find many more."
All this came true and more. I have made some of my best friends in the past few months. I may have lost some friends along the way, but the ones I gained, are better than my wildest dreams.I couldn't be happier.
Growth is what we all aim for, and the only way to accomplish it, is to share your true self with the world, and take it day by day.
"I need to act, speak, and embody the person I want to be. Many times I know the person I want to be, and recognize some qualities in myself I want to embody, but I am having trouble putting forth the effort to make that happen.
The issue is that I do not center my life around the energy I hope to radiate. I gossip, work myself up over nothing, take things too personally, judge, and obsess. I need to come back to my center and work on, really work on, being a person I am proud of. I have so much potential and control over my life, I hope I do something productive with it. I know I will, it may just take time. I know I will challenge myself to be the person I want to be. I am going to stop talking about things that are meaningless and add no value to the world. I will only take actions of compassion, kindness, and love. No more pretending.
Lately, I have been really struggling with not having a partner. I will not say boyfriend, because I do not necessarily want a relationship, but I want that true connection. Maybe it doesn't exist for everyone, but I am hoping it does for me. I want someone in my life who values me for myself. Isn't that what we all crave? I thought I found that man, but I was just projecting, as i seem to do a lot. Every time I personally grow I feel like I get challenged in the boy department. Maybe they are little tests. Tests to see if I am really comfortable with myself and my abilities. I know I do not need a man in my life, but I feel that having someone who understands my soul, and has the same values as me, is so important to my growth. But maybe it just isn't the time, and I have to accept that.
Maybe, it is because I am not being, or I am not projecting, the person I am and want to be to the universe. I am being someone I am not, I am acting in ways to conform; to relate to others who are on different wavelengths or levels to me. I am losing myself in order to feel accepted. I am losing myself to bring others into my life that don't make me a better person. That is insane. I shouldn't have to do that. I should be the light I am so desperately searching for. When I am finally myself, those who are attracted to my light will finally enter; the right people. Than I will know they are people who want to be with me, for me.
Recently, I have been constantly questioning if my friends really know who I am, and if they actually care about me. This should never be the case. If I was really sure I wouldn't question it. I might lose a lot or "friends" along the way, but that is okay. I will find many more."
All this came true and more. I have made some of my best friends in the past few months. I may have lost some friends along the way, but the ones I gained, are better than my wildest dreams.I couldn't be happier.
Growth is what we all aim for, and the only way to accomplish it, is to share your true self with the world, and take it day by day.